I Know the Truth
by Syracuse1017
Summary: AU...Mark and Meredith are married and Mark makes a big mistake. What happens when Meredith escapes to Seattle and has to face not only her future, but also her past? My first fanfic so please be kind!Will be MerMark
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction. It's completely AU. Mark and Meredith are married and have been for three years. He is a top plastic surgeon and she is a top neurosurgeon. I hope this is okay, please tell me what I can do better or what you like. Thanks! By the way, I own no part of Grey's Anatomy.**

**The lyrics of **_**I Know the Truth **_**from the musical **_**Aida**_

_**How have I come to this?**_

_**How did I slip and fall?**_

_**How did I throw half a lifetime away**_

_**Without any thought at all?**_

_**This should have been my time**_

_**It's over, it never began**_

_**I closed my eyes to so much for so long**_

_**And I no longer can**_

_**I try to blame it on fortune**_

_**Some kind of shift in a star**_

_**But I know the truth and it haunts me**_

_**It's flown just a little too far**_

_**I know the truth and it mocks me**_

_**I know the truth and it shocks me**_

_**I learned it just a little too late**_

Meredith Sloan had had a hard day at work. One of her patients had died on the table and another had died before she could perform the surgery. So her shift had ended early and the tired woman was looking forward to going home and relaxing with her husband of three years, Mark.

She dug in her purse for the keys to the brownstone on Manhattan's Upper East Side. Finding them, she opened the door, grateful to be home. She heard weird noises from upstairs and assumed that Mark was watching a movie. She kicked off her shoes, headed up the stairs and opened her bedroom door only to find her husband on top of another woman.

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Mark Sloan had always been a confident, successful man. He came from an extremely wealthy and renowned family, and during his 20s and early 30s he was New York's hottest bachelor. Sexy, charming, and rich, people expected that Mark would be a manwhore forever. And he too was perfectly happy bedding famous, beautiful women every night and kicking them out the next morning. That was until he met Meredith Grey.

She had begun as one of Mark's typical one night stands five years ago. She had actually been his former best friend's fiancée, and Mark always felt bad that he had been infatuated with her. Within a year, they had slept together and something about her captivated him: he kept coming back for more. Soon, they were sleeping exclusively with each other and somehow it became more than that. It became a relationship neither expected and a year later, with a lot of prodding from his father who wanted to see his only son married, Mark proposed. A year later they were married.

Although he had a sketchy relationship history, Mark never strayed. But Meredith was now in her third year as an attending and she was becoming busier and busier. They began to drift apart but it wasn't until that day Mark was unfaithful.

He too had lost a patient. As a top plastic surgeon, it was rare but when it did happen Mark felt the need to drink after. It was early afternoon when he walked to a local bar, had one too many drinks, and fell into his old ways, bringing a hot blonde home.

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Meredith stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Mark must have sensed her presence because he turned, and seeing Meredith he immediately sobered up and guilt overtook him. He rolled off the blonde, wrapped a sheet around his waist and walked towards Meredith as the other woman frantically searched for her clothes.

"Mer…" Mark started, his voice full of emotion and remorse.

"Don't," Meredith said, her voice threatening to break and the tears threatening to fall. "There's nothing you can say. I'm leaving."

"Mer, please. I'm sorry. Let me try to fix this, please give me another chance," Mark pleaded. By this time the unknown blonde had had the decency to leave the house.

Meredith shook her head sadly, "It's over Mark."

"Meredith, please don't go."

"I have to," she said, pulling a suitcase down from the closet shelf. She began throwing clothes into it, just what she needed. She was one of the top neurosurgeons in the country at the tender age of 34, and she could buy new stuff wherever she ended up.

Mark stood, paralyzed, watching her as she gathered her things. He watched as she cleared their bathroom of her personal products. He watched as she left, looked around the upstairs and returned with a few things. He watched as she closed the suitcase and dragged it downstairs. He still stood, watching the bed, hating himself for what he had done. Finally he walked down the stairs as Meredith opened the door.

He asked resignedly, "Where are you going?"

She turned and he could see the pain in her beautiful green eyes, pain he had caused. "I don't know," she answered.

"I'm sorry," Mark said, one desperate plea for her to change her mind, for her to turn around and stay.

"It's not enough."

As Meredith was climbing into a cab, Mark ran outside. "How will I find you?"

Meredith replied softly, "You won't." She shut the door and the cab drove away.

Mark stood there, still in only a sheet, as he watched her leave. He stayed for a long time staring in the direction she had gone. Then, suddenly, he turned and went into the house. He swore loudly and punched his fist into the wall.

* * *

Meredith entered the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital, the same hospital where her mother had worked when Meredith was younger. She knew that the Chief of Surgery was her mother's good friend, and one true love, and Meredith needed a job. It just so happened that he needed a neuro attending. She climbed off the elevator on the fourth floor, and ran right into a man that immediately reminded her of a man from her past.

"Meredith?" the man asked, confused and taken aback.

"Derek," she answered flatly, remembering the second to last time she had seen him, when her world changed, and when she made one of the greatest mistakes of her life.

_Meredith sat on the couch, wringing her hands and glancing at the clock. She looked at the empty tequila bottle on the table next to her, and debated going to the cupboard for more. She had been drinking by herself for four hours, waiting for her fiancée Derek Shepherd to return from work. She knew residents had busy schedules, and as Derek was chief resident he worked more than others. She got it. She was studying to be a doctor, her mother was a prominent doctor, although her mother didn't believe she had what it took to be a good surgeon. Meredith understood the demands of a medical career. She understood Derek was busy, but they had purposely planned tonight to go out to dinner…over four hours ago. She didn't understand why he couldn't have at least called to let her know he would be late. Her makeup was smeared, she was drunk after pulling out the tequila four hours ago, and her gorgeous red dress was becoming wrinkled. And the doubts were beginning to creep in. Was he cheating on her? Did he no longer love her? Was this what their married life was going to be like? Was this what her life with Derek was going to be like? Just then a knock came to the door. Meredith got unsteadily to her feet, hoping it was Derek but knowing in her heart it wasn't. Derek wouldn't knock to come into the apartment they shared._

_She went to the door, teetering and stumbling, to reveal none other than Derek's best, and very sexy, friend Mark Sloan. He gave her a grin dubbed by nurses and doctors alike as the 'McSteamy' look as he entered the apartment._

"_Derek wanted me to check on you. He wanted me to tell you he'll be home in a few hours."_

_"But I don't want him home in a few hours," Meredith whined. "I wanted him home four hours ago. Tell me the truth Mark," she said sternly looking him in the eye. "Did he volunteer for this surgery?"_

_Mark looked down at his expensive shoes, not wanting to tell her the truth. "Yeah," he muttered finally._

_Meredith's eyes began to fill with tears but she quickly blinked them back. Her green eyes flashed, and Mark could tell she was upset. But he also saw the hurt and doubt in them and then something changed. Her eyes became darker, lust-filled, hungry and passionate. Mark stepped back into the door, his back against the cool wood, as Meredith, clearly drunk, lifted her dress higher on her thigh._

_Meredith stepped closer to Mark, and whispered, her hot breath tickling his cheek, "Make me forget, Mark"_

_Mark was a notorious manwhore but he had always been intrigued and infatuated with his best friend's fiancée. He knew that they would never be, but that had never stopped him from thinking that someday she would be the woman he settled down with. So, against the little voice in his head that told him it was wrong, Mark Sloan began passionately kissing Meredith Grey. He knew it was wrong, he knew it would hurt Derek, should he ever find out, but he also felt bad for Meredith. Derek wasn't paying as much attention to her as Mark thought he should. He did volunteer for surgery tonight, rather than spend it with his fiancée. He also didn't call, so Mark didn't feel too terrible about kissing her. _

_They stumbled towards the couch, feverishly undressing each other. And then, just as he was about to enter her, the door opened. Mark rolled off her, and hastily grabbed his boxers and pulled them on. Meredith pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to cover herself. Derek's face changed from shock to pure anger as he made a fist and slammed it into Mark's face. Spinning on his heel, Derek began to leave._

_As he reached the door, he turned to address Meredith, " I'll get my stuff in the morning. I never want to see you again. And keep the damn ring."_

_Meredith was crying softly, but not as hard as Mark expected her to be. Most women would be sobbing, but Meredith had a quiet acceptance, as if she had wanted him to catch them. She was suddenly sober, but for some reason she didn't regret sleeping with Mark. He had always seemed more fun than Derek. Mark was always the one to come over and tell her Derek wouldn't be home, and Derek never had the decency to call. Derek was always too busy to spend time with her, but Mark rarely was. She turned and went into the kitchen, wrapping the blanket tighter around her body._

_Mark watched after her, sure that she was planning on running after Derek. After all, Mark was not a man who had ever prided himself as being the marrying kind. His father wanted him to be, sure, but Mark was perfectly content bedding a different woman every night. But somehow, Meredith felt different. She wasn't just another notch in his headboard, so to speak, but amazingly he could see himself settling down with her. And that thought scared him almost as much as the fact that the only woman he could ever see himself in a relationship with was surely going to run after her fiancée. After all, Mark had learned in his years as being Derek's best friend, Derek wasn't the kind of man you left if you had the choice._

_Mark was surprised when she returned from the kitchen with an ice pack for his face and a smile. Mark sighed. He knew he should apologize, and send her off after Derek. Contrary to popular belief, Mark was not a bad guy. Sure, he had always wanted Meredith, but he had envisioned Derek and Meredith breaking up amicably and him being able to move in without any hurt feelings. His dream had started to fade when Derek had asked Meredith to marry him, and had continued to do so as wedding plans began to materialize, but Mark still held out hope. But he worried that he would have betrayed his best friend for nothing._

_Meredith knew she should feel guilty, but a part of her had always wished she had met Mark first. Derek had always been devoted to his work, he always had to be the best, whereas Mark, although just as good a surgeon as Derek, wanted a healthy balance of work and play. And while Meredith did not always approve of how Mark chose to unwind, with a string of one-night stands, she had always admired that he could stand to be away from his pager and he did turn off his cell phone once in a while. She knew she should apologize for putting him in this situation, and to tell him to go after Derek and repair the friendship, but most of her just wanted to pull his sexy body back down to the couch and continue where they had left off._

_And this was, much to Mark's surprise and happiness, exactly what she did._

And now, here she was, facing the man she could have had a life with. But she had thrown it away for another man, a man who less than five years later would cheat on her and break her heart.

Derek broke the awkward silence as he asked, "What are you doing here?"

Meredith straightened. "I'm the new neuro attending."

She saw Derek's eyes stray to her left hand, where her rings lay, the rings she had not had the heart to take off yet. She hadn't been able to accept that her marriage was over, that she had left her fiancée only to have a broken marriage with another man.

"You're married," he said, more of a statement than as a question. "Who?"

"Mark," Meredith replied calmly.

Derek's eyes immediately darkened and his handsome features became angry. "Mark? You married that bastard?" he said accusatorily.

Meredith bristled. Although Mark would soon be her ex-husband, she still felt the need to defend him because, although she would not admit it to herself, she was still totally and completely in love with him. And besides, Derek had had almost five years to get over their betrayal.

"Yes, I married him. And it is none of your business." She remembered the last time she had seen Derek, when he tried to practically force her to marry him a month after he caught her with Mark. He didn't like failure, and a failed engagement was something he would not let himself admit to. But Meredith had seen the hate in his eyes, and the disgust and revulsion he so obviously felt when he looked at her, that she had refused. Even when he hurled insults, threatened her, told her she would never find anyone else, and that he never wanted to see her again, she stood her ground. She only cried in the arms of her lover, Mark, as by now they were sleeping exclusively with each other.

He eyed her clothes, her street clothes, because she was on her way to the locker room. Meredith saw this and bitingly returned that she was going to change and left him, standing there in the hallway, fuming at his run in with a woman he never thought he would see again.

**So there's Chapter One. I hope you all liked it. I'll post more if people respond to it. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks to everybody for such a great response. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get this out, I have just been swamped with homework. I'll try my hardest to get more up relatively soon, but no promises. Hopefully after Christmas I will have some time to write.** Anyway, I own nothing…and on with Chapter 2

Three weeks later…

Meredith woke up, feeling that today was not going to be a good day. She was still staying in a hotel, because she hadn't had the time or the energy to go house hunting. She looked at her alarm clock, wishing that she could throw it across the room, and got up slowly. She ran into the bathroom as a bout of nausea hit her and she threw up the contents of her dinner last night into the toilet. She showered, wondering about the flu she must have caught. She had been throwing up in the mornings for the last few days, but she simply believed it was the flu. She finished with her morning routine and went in to work.

Once in the locker room, she met up with her friend Cristina Yang. Meredith had immediately taken a liking to the snarky Asian cardio attending, and the two had become fast friends. She had told Cristina about Derek but had conveniently left out the fact that her husband cheated on her…or that she had ever married.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Cristina asked the moment Meredith entered the locker room.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked curiously.

"You look like you are about to keel over any minute."

"Thanks," Meredith replied sarcastically.

"Are you…pregnant?" Cristina asked.

"What? Pregnant? God no, I couldn't be…could I?" Meredith asked worriedly

"You're a doctor too, I think you're smart enough to figure it out," Crisitna replied wearily. Meredith still stared, thinking about the fact that she could be pregnant and trying to think when her last period was. Cristina was getting impatient. "God Mer, when was your last period?"

"Um…" and then realization hit, causing Meredith's mouth to go form an oh shape. "I was due two weeks ago," she answered softly.

"And you didn't think that there _might_ be something just a little wrong?"

Meredith shook her head. "I was so caught up in all this Derek and Mark stuff that I guess I just attributed it to the stress. God, I can't be pregnant now. That would just suck."

Cristina took this as a chance to ask about the husband Meredith never mentioned. "Who's Mark? Is he the husband you pretend doesn't exist?"

"How did you know I was married?" Meredith asked defensively, not ready to talk about Mark. The situation was too fresh. She still hadn't talked to Mark, or a lawyer for that matter. She hadn't returned any of his thirty-four voicemails, sixteen text messages, or twenty-eight e-mails. She had listened to them all, and read them all, and they all said the same thing: call me, we have to talk about this. I'm sorry. And again and again she hit delete, sending his plea into oblivion, never to be heard of again. She still felt guilty, but hey, he was the one that had hopped into bed with another woman.

"Maybe just the large rocks on your ring finger," Cristina said rolling her eyes.

"Oh," Meredith said. She looked at the rings on her finger, the rings she had yet to take off. She twisted them nervously around. She knew she would have to accept the end of her marriage at some point, but she couldn't bring herself to do it yet.

Cristina grew tired of watching Meredith play with her rings, so she piped up, asking "Who's Mark?"

Meredith's eyes finally darted up from her finger, and she replied "No one you get me a test?"

Cristina rolled her eyes, knowing that Meredith had closed up and she wouldn't be giving out any more information. "Fine, lets go." Meredith started to open her mouth but Cristina cut her off. "And no, I won't use your name."

Meredith smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"Whatever, it's no big deal. Come on, or I'll miss my surgery"

* * *

Four hours later, Cristina came up to Meredith, results in hand. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah."

"You're pregnant."

"Oh God."

* * *

An hour later Meredith was trying to concentrate on her charts while the news that she was pregnant with her soon to be ex-husband was reeling through her head. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her and the man pressed his lips to hers. Meredith dropped the chart as she relaxed in the familiarity and passion of the kiss, not caring that nurses or doctors were watching. She had longed for his touch, she had missed him these last three weeks, but she suddenly pulled away as her brain began to function and she remembered _why_ they had been separated. She slapped him hard across his face.

"What the hell was that for Mark?" she asked furiously.

"I kissed my wife," Mark replied, with his charming grin that made women's hearts flutter and their knees go weak. But Meredith was too upset to let Mark Sloan have any effect on her.

"You think that you can just waltz back into my life, that everything will be okay after what…" her angry tirade was interrupted by a fist colliding hard into Mark's face. Meredith turned, and was surprised to see the fist belonged to none other than Derek Shepherd.

"What was that for Derek?" she asked, eerily echoing the words she had just asked her husband.

"He slept with my fiancée."

"Oh my god, Derek, that was five years ago. Let it go already." With a surge of sympathy, she turned toward Mark who was cradling his face. "Come on, lets go get you stitched up."

* * *

They walked into an empty exam room and Meredith prepared to stitch up his cut.

"I'm sorry," Mark began.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Meredith, we have to talk about it sometime."

"No, we don't," she said, as she pulled out the needle.

"Give me the needle."

"What?"

"Give me the needle Meredith"

"Why? Why would I give you the needle?"

"Because I'm a world renowned plastic surgeon and I would like to have my face look just as sexy when it leaves as when it came in here."

"Fine."

He proceeds to stitch up his face while outside the room, George, Alex, Izzie and Cristina are watching the exchange.

"Why is he suturing his own face?" George asked curiously.

"To turn me on," replied Cristina quickly.

"Because he's Mark Sloan, he's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the east coast," Alex answered.

"What's he doing in Seattle?" Izzie asked.

"Rumor has it he's the new head of plastics," Alex replied.

Mark finished suturing his face and looked at Meredith, who had her back turned as she was fussing with supplies in the corner. She was avoiding the conversation she knew she should have with him, the one about his infidelity and the fact that she was carrying his child. She knew what it was like to grow up without a father, as her own father had left when Meredith was five. She didn't want that for her baby, but she didn't want to deal with the fact that she was still hopelessly in love with Mark Sloan.

"Meredith…" Mark began again

"How did you find me?" Meredith asked softly.

Mark took a deep breath. "Richard called me. He needed a new head of plastics. I had been searching for you for the last three weeks. When he said you were here, I immediately took the job."

She whirled around, her green eyes filled with tears. "You're here for good now?"

"Yeah." Meredith turned away again, contemplating what she knew she had to tell him.

"I'm pregnant."

**Yeah, I ended it there…more soon (hopefully). All I have to say is school kind of sucks.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I haven't updated in forever, and I feel really bad. Life has just gotten in the way, plus everytime I go on here to write/update, I find something to read. Thank you all for all of your reviews, I really appreciate it. By the way, I own nothing**

Chapter 3

Mark was silent for a long moment, trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Meredith was pregnant. He wanted to ask the question he had been longing to ask, whether the baby was his or not. He assumed it was, after all he had always been the manwhore. But Meredith hadn't been all that innocent. Before she had met Derek she had had a string of one-night stands after long nights with tequila. She easily could have done that when in Seattle. It was what Mark had done when she had left him, trying to fill the void of an empty bed. He felt guilty, but he had pushed the guilt down, down and down further, and had just kept sleeping with random women for the three weeks he had been alone in New York.

Mark Sloan always knew he was not father material. Many, many people had told him so. His parents had, his cousins had, his friends had, even his one-night stands had. And Meredith? Well, Derek had always believed that Mark would make a crappy father, and Meredith had seemed to agree. Which was why she was on the pill, to make sure that Mark would not have to deal with the fact that he would be a terrible father. And now, something strange had happened, and she was pregnant. And he was contemplating asking her whose baby it was. But she beat him to the punch.

"Would you like to say something? I just told you I was pregnant. I think it's your turn."

"I thought you were on the pill," Mark said. He didn't know what to say, but it obviously wasn't the answer Meredith was looking for.

"Yeah…" she answered slowly. "But apparently it has its flaws."

"Is it mine?" He couldn't stop the words from spewing out of his mouth. He instantly regretted it, but he had to ask. For the last five minutes it had been all he could think about.

"It's yours. Do you really think that low of me? That I would sleep with other men so soon after my relationship with you? Mark, I haven't slept with another man in five years. I wouldn't remember how to pick up a man at a bar," she chuckled wryly then suddenly stopped as realization dawned on her. "You've slept with other women in the last three weeks." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, an accusation that hurt her. And she could see it in his eyes that he had, that she was right on the money.

"Meredith…" he began.

"No…just….no I can't look at you right now." And Meredith fled the room, leaving Mark standing there in an empty exam room, with curious doctors and nurses wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

Meredith avoided Mark for the rest of the day. Somehow she knew that he had slept with other women in New York before she saw it on his face. But it didn't hurt any less. She knew that they would have to talk at some point because he was the father of her child, and her unborn child didn't deserve to grow up without a father, no matter how much of a bastard the father was. Meredith was lost in her own thoughts, and without realizing it, she ran directly into the last person she wanted to see, Mark.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" Meredith began, then she looked up and saw that she had run into Mark, and her features quickly hardened. "Oh, it was just you." She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her arm.

"Meredith, I slept with those other women because I didn't know how to deal with you leaving me. I thought I was never going to see you again. Mer, please, I still love you."

Meredith's eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Mark. "I don't know how to love you anymore," and she saw his face fall.

"Please, we have to talk, I want to be in our child's life, Meredith…" he called after her as she began to walk away.

She suddenly spun towards him and came close into his face. "Mark, you couldn't be a good husband. How the hell do you think you are going to be a good father?" With that, she turned abruptly and left towards her car, tears silently streaming down her face.

Mark watched her leave, knowing that following her would only make things worse. Her words had hurt him, deeply. He assumed she thought he wouldn't make a good father, but hearing her say it made hurt him to the core. He missed her, more than he wanted to let on.

A small snort caused him to break from watching Meredith, and he turned, his arrogant, cocky exterior immediately back in place. No matter what was going on in his personal life, he was still a plastic surgeon, and a damn good one at that. When he turned, he saw that the snort came from an Asian woman with curly black hair. One look at her white lab coat told him that she was a doctor here, and that her name was Dr. Cristina Yang. His first impression was that of disgust, because obviously she was laughing at him.

"What?" he asked brusquely.

"What the hell did you do to her?" she asked incredulously, still chuckling a little to herself.

"Excuse me?" Mark Sloan was not used to people, especially women, laughing at him.

"Well, these last few weeks she has been one of the toughest surgeons I have seen. But she won't speak your name, and she falls into a puddle of hormonal tears when she sees you," Cristina replied.

"It's none of your business."

"Well," Cristina began, softening a little because of the man in front of her, a man who obviously loved Meredith, but was trying to hide it, "you should know she hasn't taken off her rings yet." Mark, who had averted his eyes, turned his head quickly to look at her, eyes conveying disbelief. Then he crumpled, his cocky, sexy, arrogant exterior gone again, and dejected, he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"How do I fix this?"

"Well, I don't know what you did…"

"I slept with another woman," Mark interrupted. "And she just found out that I have been sleeping with other women since she left New York."

"You are an idiot."

"Yeah" he sighed, "I know".

"I don't know what to tell you. But I can tell you she is she is in room 625 at the Archfield Hotel"

Mark's eyes raised from his shoes, which he had been looking at after her blunt statement that he was an idiot. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Yeah, well, don't expect it to happen often…and don't tell her I told you where she lives."

The moment was awkward now, as neither knew what to say to the other. Mark finally broke the silence, "Well, I had better go to see the chief about the details of my transfer."

Cristina looked surprised. "You're here for good now?"

"Yeah," Mark replied, his cocky exterior back again, "So now you can see my sexy face every day."

"Don't flatter yourself Sloan," Cristina replied and headed off, back to the Surgical floor to browbeat some interns.

Mark watched her walk away before turning towards the chief's office.

**So, I know you probably all hate Mark right now, and he is an idiot. But this story is still going to be MerMark. Thank you again for your patience, and hopefully the next update won't be as long in coming. Senior year in high school is kind of crazy. So, once again, I'm sorry and I'll try to move the next update along.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's Chapter Four. Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm a bad person I know, haha. Anyways, I own nada.**

**Chapter Four**

After his visit with the chief, Mark slid into his rental car, and proceeded to follow his GPS system to the Archfield Hotel. He exhaled heavily, grateful to the doctor he had never met before for telling him where he could find Meredith. He knew he had messed up, and he was willing to do anything to get her back. He knew he had opened his big mouth too fast, and he should have known better. He wanted more than anything to be in his child's life. Mark wanted a chance to show that he wouldn't be the crappy father everyone thought he would be.

He pulled into a parking spot, and entered the swanky hotel. He noticed the large, oak check-in desk and headed towards it. He rang the bell for service, and a cute little redhead turned to serve him. A check of her nametag on her uniform that left little to the imagination revealed her name was Rachel. For a moment, Mark had the urge to flirt with her, and use his 'McSteamy' charm, but then he remembered why he was in a hotel in Seattle in the first place. Rachel however, had no such qualms and batted her eyelashes shamefully at the handsome plastic surgeon.

"What can I do for you this evening, sir?" Rachel asked in what Mark thought was a syrupy sweet voice. Admittedly, that once would have turned him on, but now he was definitely in the doghouse and if he ever wanted Meredith back he had to be on his best behavior.

"Um…could I have a room as close as possible to 625?" Mark asked. If the redhead thought his request was odd, she didn't show it as she typed some things into a computer.

"I have 624 available sir," she replied, and Mark couldn't believe his luck.

"That would be perfect," he said, as he slid his credit card toward her. Rachel took it and finished the paperwork.

"I just need your signature here, and here". Mark signed with his messy scrawl, which did not look at all like Mark Sloan, but more like a chicken had taken his pen, and passed the paper back to her.

"Thank you, and enjoy your stay at the Archfield." She slid his credit card and room keys to him, and he took them with a smile and polite "thank you", then picked up his suitcase and headed for the elevators.

* * *

The next morning, Meredith woke up with a good feeling. Then she remembered what happened the day before. She knew Mark, and she knew his tendencies, but she thought he had changed. And it had been so easy hating him when he had slept with another woman, and when he had slept with all those other women after she left him. But then he had to go and say something that tugged at her heartstrings and crumpled her resolve, that he hadn't known how to deal with her leaving him because he was so utterly devastated. Granted, it didn't excuse his behavior. But now _she_ was feeling guilty because she had cut him to the core, and she knew she had, by telling him he wouldn't be a good father. She truly believed no one had ever given him a chance to be a good father, and she thought that he would make a good one. But her desire to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her had overwhelmed her, and she had said things she didn't mean to say. And now, she was sitting alone in her hotel room, feeling guilty when he was the one that had cheated on her. Multiple times.

She didn't want to go to work. She didn't want to see him because she knew he would look sexy as hell in his scrubs. She didn't want to see him because the moment he gave her that 'McSteamy' look she would crumble, even though she once told him she was "immune to it". She was lying. Besides that had been when she was dating Derek, and she knew she could not be attracted to his best friend. Shit. She had forgotten about Derek in this whole thing. She wanted to avoid the man, especially after he had punched Mark in the face. Damn it, why did she have to pick neurosurgery?

Meredith looked at the clock and realized that she had been rambling in her head for the last ten minutes. Something that however much she tried to deny it was not something that was new to her. Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through her lower abdomen, and Meredith felt something wet on her thigh. "Oh god," she screamed, immediately reaching her hands to her stomach to protect her baby. But as she saw the blood dripping down her leg, she knew instinctively that it was too late.

* * *

Mark Sloan awoke well rested, and feeling like crap for the pain he had caused Meredith the night before. But, now he had to go to the hospital and face the idiot who punched him. His face hurt, and Mark checked the barely visible stitches in the bathroom mirror. "_Damn I'm good_", he thought as he searched for the stitches he would never have seen if he hadn't known they were there. He dressed for the day, hopeful to begin to make amends with Meredith.

As he exited his room, he checked the door to make sure it locked. Once he was sure the door locked, he turned. But then a piercing "Oh God" stopped him in his tracks, and he realized the woman screaming was Meredith. His heart stopped and he began pounding on the door of room 625.

"Meredith, Meredith, please, open the door."

"Oh God, Mark, help me please," Meredith used every last ounce of strength she had to get to the door and open it for him. Mark took in the blood on her pants and assumed the worst: a miscarriage, but before he could ask, Meredith collapsed in his arms.

**Sorry this update is relatively short, but this was where I felt the chapter needed to end. Hopefully I will get the next chapter up soon, but you know me, so no promises.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry I am such a terrible person about updating. It's the final few days of my senior year, and my life has been utterly crazy. Plus, whenever I try to update, I end up reading stories instead. So thank you for being patient, and again I own nothing.**

**Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

**Chapter Five**

Mark easily scooped Meredith into his arms and went towards the elevators. He pushed the button frantically five times in a row, hoping the elevator would come quickly. When it came, after what seemed like an eternity, Mark carried Meredith and pushed for the ground level. Once it reached the lobby, Mark carried a bleeding Meredith to his amazing rental car, not caring that Meredith was getting blood on the seat. He then proceeded to drive as quickly as humanly possible towards Seattle Grace Hospital and parked haphazardly in a fire zone.

Mark carried Meredith in through the trauma doors and immediately ran into the Asian woman from the night before.

"Cristina, thank god," Mark breathed.

"What the hell happened?" Cristina asked, seeing her friend's pants covered in blood.

"I don't know, please, help me get the neo-natal surgeon on call."

"I'll get her. Go to Trauma room 3" Cristina ordered, and Mark, still in shock, easily obeyed.

He tenderly laid his wife on the clean linen sheets and lovingly caressed her face. Mark Sloan was not a praying man. He had been raised Protestant simply because it looked better for a prominent family to be somewhat religious. But now, Mark felt the need to pray for his wife and unborn child's well being.

Cristina came in what seemed like an hour later with a stunning redhead in tow. Her coat read Addison Montgomery, MD. She held out a perfectly manicured hand to Mark and introduced herself in a sexy voice. Mark responded, then looked to his wife again.

"Please Mr. Sloan, we need you to leave the room." Mark simply nodded, not even correcting her that it was DOCTOR Sloan, as he usually would have. He followed Cristina and leaned against the wall. Then he slid down the wall, unsure of holding even his own weight anymore. He put his hands in his face, and hoped.

* * *

An hour later, Addison Montgomery came out to see Mark Sloan looking dejectedly at his hands. She cleared her throat, and he looked up, his eyes red from crying. She wanted to reach out and hug this man, this man that was so clearly torn up about his wife. She had heard about Meredith Sloan, as she was casually sleeping with Derek Shepherd, and he had ranted and raved one night about her at Addison's gorgeous penthouse apartment. She assumed that this was the best friend Meredith had slept with, and looking at the man, even in his disheveled state, she couldn't really blame Meredith.

"Mr. Sloan, or is it Doctor Sloan?"

"It's Doctor, but please, how is my wife?"

"You're wife will be fine Dr. Sloan, but" she took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. She lost the baby."

Mark's eyes showed a small flicker of relief, which Addison found odd. Most men did not have a flicker of relief when they heard their baby had died. But she assumed that the flicker of relief was for his wife's well being, and not for the loss of the baby.

Mark knew he shouldn't feel relieved, but the smallest part of him did. Now he didn't have to find out if he would become the terrible father everyone thought he would be, or if he would screw up his child. But he knew Meredith would take the loss hard, and he wanted to be there next to her, even if she hated him with every fiber of her being.

"Doctor Montgomery, may I go in and see her?"

"Of course," and she led him in to the room.

Mark saw her there, lying in the bed entirely too large for her petite frame, and he had never regretted his past more than he did then. She deserved better than him he realized. He decided it was time to walk away from her, so she could start fresh, without the pain he had caused her. It was the hardest decision he had ever had to make, but in his heart he knew it was the right one.

He quietly crept out of the room and ran smack into the snarky Cristina.

"Where do you think you are going? Shouldn't you be in there with your wife?" Cristina quipped.

"I'm leaving. She deserves better than me."

Cristina looked at him in shock. "But she loves you."

"I cause her too much pain. I'm too flawed of a man. From now on every time she looks at me she will remember my indiscretions. She doesn't deserve that. God, now I'm getting sappy."

"What if she wants to find you? What if you are wrong and she does want you?" Cristina asked, utterly surprised at herself that she wanted her person to get back together with Mark Sloan, and that she of all people was playing matchmaker.

"Then she knows my number."

And with that, Mark Sloan walked out into the rainy Seattle morning.

**So, there it is. Sorry it is kind of short, but this is where I wanted it to end (I feel like I said something remarkably similar last chapter). Anyway, reviews are appreciated. Please don't hesitate to tell me what you like or don't like, or what I am doing well or not so well. Doing that will help me grow as a writer, and that is ultimately something I would like to achieve through writing this story. So thank you in advance for your constructive criticisms. And I apologize that I am a terrible updater (I know it isn't a word, but it makes sense)**

**Annie**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this took so long. I don't know why, but I'm losing where I want to go with this story. But I will continue it, but it might take me a while. Sorry. Anyway, here is the long awaited chapter 6.**

**Chapter 6**

Derek Shepherd passed Mark Sloan on his way into the hospital. Derek averted his eyes, but Mark stopped him. His eyes were red and pleading when he said to Derek "Take care of her, please", and continued on his way without even a second glance back to the bewildered man standing outside the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital.

Derek entered the hospital and headed for his favorite spot, the coffee cart. He ordered the largest coffee they had, and then went out on his search for his attending that he didn't really want to see but knew he had to. Mark's cryptic words kept replaying in his head and he walked straight into none other than Cristina Yang.

"Yang, have you seen Grey, or Sloan or whatever the hell she goes by these days?"

"You haven't heard?"

"Haven't heard what?" Derek asked impatiently. If there was one thing he hated, it was being kept in the dark and playing games.

"She suffered a miscarriage."

"She was pregnant?" Somehow that hurt more than the fact that she was married to Mark Sloan. That they had been planning to create a family before whatever happened that caused her to run to Seattle. The fact that she was pregnant and he hadn't known…and then he realized he had no claim to know anyway.

"Yeah," replied Cristina.

"Why was Mark leaving this morning then? Shouldn't he be with her? I'm assuming it's his child."

"He decided she was better off without him."

Derek agreed with this logic, and told Cristina so.

"She is not. Now when she wakes up and asks where he is, I have to tell her that he left her."

"Which is better for her in the long run. Trust me, I know Mark Sloan, and he is a piece of scum who only thinks about himself."

"He loves her, and now I have to be with my friend when she wakes up and I have to tell her that her husband and baby are gone."

And with that Cristina walked away from Derek Shepherd to see her friend who was currently lying in a hospital bed and would be soon hearing the worst news of her life.

* * *

Cristina Yang loved surgery, but then she ended up spending her day waiting for Meredith Grey, Sloan, whatever to wake up so she could give her some terrible news. When she heard moaning from the bed, Cristina immediately straightened up and prepared to tell her friend.

"Mark? Mark? Where are you?"

Cristina put on her "sympathetic face", and scooted her chair closer to Meredith. "He's gone."

"What do you mean he's gone?"

"He said you deserved better, that you deserved someone who wasn't flawed."

Meredith began to cry. "But I want someone flawed. I want him."

Cristina softened at Meredith's outburst of emotion, something she usually did not do. "Then call him when you are feeling better and tell him to get his sexy ass back here."

Meredith giggled, no doubt an effect of the drugs she was on. "You think his ass is sexy?"

"Meredith, I think every female with a pulse thinks his ass is sexy".

"The baby, oh god, what about the baby?"

"I'm sorry."

Meredith began to cry, and Cristina snuck out of the room, grabbing Meredith's cell phone on her way.

* * *

Mark Sloan drove in his expensive rental car, not noticing the stench of blood from where Meredith had sat. His eyes blurred with tears as he realized that Meredith did deserve better, and that he could never be that man. Suddenly his cell phone rang as he pulled over to the side of the road.

"Mark Sloan," he answered

"You bastard."

"Who the hell is this?"

"Do you know who the first person she asked for was? She didn't ask about her baby, she didn't ask about anyone else except for you. She was devastated when you weren't there."

"Cristina, I thought I told you that I'm not good enough for her, she deserves better than a piece of shit like me."

"Oh come off it. Would you get your head out of your ass and see how much she loves you?"

"I'm doing what's best for her."

"No you aren't. You are basing your life on what ifs…you just have to be a man and stay faithful to your wife and be there when she needs you."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"You'll never know if you don't give it a goddamned try." And with that, Cristina hung up the phone.

Mark sat there for a moment, contemplating what he should do. And then he decided to drive back towards Seattle Grace Hospital.

As he drove back he thought about the mistakes he had made, but decided that maybe, just maybe, Meredith and he could work out their problems. Of course, he had to make her trust him again, and leaving while she was in pain was probably not the best way to do that. He had to go back, and they had to mourn the loss of their baby together.

**There's the update. Sorry for the wait, and hopefully it won't take me nearly as long to get more out**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. This chapter was difficult for me to write because I wanted to get their interactions just right. Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Chapter Seven**

Mark Sloan was driving back towards the hospital when he realized he didn't know what to say to Meredith. What could he say that would allow him to return to her life? He had screwed up, not once, not twice, but three times. First, he had slept with that blonde and she had caught him. Then he had slept with those women those three weeks she had been gone. And finally, he had left when she had needed him the most. Maybe a simple "I'm sorry" would suffice. No, this was Meredith, his wife. He should know what to say to her, but he didn't.

He entered the hospital, a sense of foreboding in his chest. He wanted to see her, he wanted to make sure she was okay, but he didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how to explain his mistakes and he knew a simple "I'm sorry" might not be enough. What was he saying, he knew an "I'm sorry" wouldn't cut it. He had made too many errors, made too many mistakes. And now he was paying for it.

Before he knew it he was at her room, he was there before he knew what to say. He peered in the door and saw Cristina by her bedside, talking softly to Meredith. She looked up, saw Mark and told Meredith. Their eyes met, and as cliché as it sounds, it seemed like time stopped. Her breath caught in her throat. He looked so handsome standing there in the doorway. And then she remembered what he had done, not only before she left, but after she had left. And he had left her at her most vulnerable, lying in a hospital bed mourning her child.

Cristina noticed their silent communicating and got up to leave. As she passed Mark she whispered "Don't hurt her" and then left down the hall.

Meredith was getting impatient. "Well Mark, aren't you going to say anything?"

"I'm sorry."

Meredith waited for more. When it didn't come she said, "That's it? I'm sorry? You broke me and all you have to say for yourself is 'I'm sorry'?"

"Meredith, you know I never meant to hurt you."

She scoffed. "Then why did you?"

He looked down at his shoes. "I don't know, but I do know that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you." At his last words he lifted his head and steel blue eyes met green ones. Her eyes filled with tears as they looked at one another. "Please, I'm begging you, give me another chance" he whispered as he stepped closer to the bed.

"Why did you leave?" she whispered back.

He ran his hand over his face. "You deserve someone better Meredith, I'm flawed and even I know that. But as I was driving away Cristina helped me realize that I'll be damned to let you find someone better. I want you Meredith, and I hope you will still want me too."

"I can't trust you right now."

"I know." Mark understood. He had screwed up big time but he was hoping she would let him back in his life.

"And no sex for sixty days." She said with a smirk. Mark knew she was trying to lighten the mood.

"With you or with anyone else?"

She smacked him on his arm. "With anyone."

"What? Sloan, are you trying to kill me?"

"No, just trying to punish you for what you did." And just like that their light mood had turned serious again.

"Meredith –"

She cut him off. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." She patted the bed. "Join me."

He slipped off his shoes and jacket and got into the bed. He wrapped his arms around her petite body. As he caressed her hair he whispered "I'm sorry".

"I know."

**Sorry it's kind of short. Please read and review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

They woke up in each other's arms four hours later. Meredith turned to face Mark. He wanted desperately to kiss her lightly but he didn't want to do anything wrong. "Can I kiss you?"

"You are asking now? Last time you just kissed me."

"I don't want to be smacked again," he answered with a smirk.

She leaned in and kissed him briefly. When they pulled back she whispered "You are still my husband, even if I don't trust you. You don't have to ask to kiss me."

"Ok."

They lay in silence for a few moments, relishing in each other's company.

"I'm sorry I left."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Mark, you left me when I needed you most. Our baby is gone."

He stroked her hair lovingly as his own eyes became moist. "I know." His voice broke a little. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"Don't ever leave me again."

"I won't" he promised.

"Mark, our baby is gone," she began to sob. "My baby is gone."

Mark's eyes became moist. "Meredith, I'm here, I'm here."

"Our baby is gone."

"Sh…Shh…Shh" Mark whispered into her hair. He needed to grieve, he needed to deal with the loss of his child but he had to be strong for Meredith first. Her petite body was wracked with sobs and all Mark could do was stroke her hair and whisper what he hoped were soothing words. If anyone had asked him later what he had said, he couldn't have told them. After what felt like eternity she had cried herself to sleep and Mark carefully extracted himself from the bed.

* * *

He sank into the chair in the far corner of the room and placed his head in his hands. Mark Sloan was not a man who cried easily. But he cried now. He cried for his mistakes, he cried for Meredith, and he cried for his lost baby. His shoulders shook with silent sobs. In her sleep, Meredith noticed the absence of his warmth and woke up. She turned towards him and crawled out of the bed. She walked over to the chair and sank into the chair next to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and saw him look up with bloodshot eyes. She got up and sat in his lap and they mourned the loss of their baby together.

* * *

Two hours later Mark Sloan awoke up after crying himself to sleep in the hospital chair. He shifted a little, forgetting Meredith was on his lap. Meredith awoke slowly, with tearstained cheeks, and Mark placed a soft kiss to her lips.

"You're awake," she said.

"And you should be in bed," he replied.

She moved to get up but with one swift motion Mark picked her up and placed her in the bed. "Thank you" she said.

"You're welcome." He placed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm going to go to the hotel to get you some clean clothes to go home in when you can go home. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Mark left the room to go back to the hotel when he ran into Cristina.

"Have you fixed what your sorry ass broke?" She asked him when she saw him.

"She doesn't trust me, but believe me I will make her trust me again," he said. Then he added with a smirk, "Besides, who can resist my charm?"

Cristina laughed and began to walk away. "I can," she called over her shoulder.

"You wish," Mark answered and continued out into the parking lot, chuckling to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**I've noticed what most of my author's notes have said, and most of them start out with an "I'm sorry". And I am, there isn't really an excuse for me neglecting this story like I have. I've just been so busy, and this has fallen on my list of priorities. So, I hope I haven't lost all my readers, and I hope to get the next update up relatively soon, but you all know how life has a funny way of getting in the way. So again, I'm sorry, and I hope you enjoy the long-awaited Chapter Nine**

**Chapter Nine**

He returned to see Addison Montgomery talking to his wife. He entered the room quietly, but Meredith noticed him.

"You promised you'd be here when I woke up" she said teasingly.

"Yeah well, traffic was bad." He came over and kissed her forehead before turning his attention to Addison. "What did I miss?"

"I was just telling Meredith that she should be out of here today. But she should obviously take it easy."

"That means no sex," Meredith said with a small laugh. Mark pretended to pout. She patted his face, the returned her attention to Addison and Mark followed suit.

"And I need you to come back in in three weeks, okay Meredith?"

Meredith nodded.

"Okay, you should be all set. Let me just get these discharge papers signed and then you can go home." And with that, she turned and left the room, leaving Meredith and Mark alone.

Mark turned to Meredith seriously. "I want you to get rid of your hotel room," he said.

Meredith was a little unsettled by his question. She didn't know if she wanted to move back in with him yet, so she decided teasing was the way to deflect his question. "What," she teased, "asking me to move in with you already?"

Mark smirked for a moment, but then his expression turned serious again. "Mer, I'm serious."

"Mark," she said in a warning tone, then paused, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say. She began slowly, "I don't think sharing a room…let alone a bed…with you would be a good idea."

Mark smiled a little, realizing that she still loved him, but then his face fell as he knew that she still didn't trust him and his indiscretions were still factoring into her decisions, as he knew they would be for a long time. He decided joking was the best route to take. "Why? Can't keep your hands off me?" he smirked.

She looked down and muttered "something like that."

"Seriously, Mer, we could get a two bedroom suite or something, I just want to keep an eye on you."

She now became angry, and Mark knew that he had gone a little far. "An eye on me? Mark, I am not a child, no matter how much you seem to want to think that I am. I do not need anyone to keep an eye on me."

"Mer, please, I want to be with you."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather be with some unknown blonde?" she snapped. She immediately saw the pain she caused in his eyes, and immediately regretted her words. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

He shook his head. "No, you don't get to apologize. I'm trying here Mer, I know I screwed up, I don't need it thrown in my face every chance you get!"

Her eyes began to water. She hadn't meant to say what she had, she just was so angry at his betrayal. She knew she should try to get over it, she knew she still loved him, she just didn't know how to trust him. And she didn't know how to trust herself around him. She knew that the sixty days would be hard on him, but they might be just as hard on her. They needed those sixty days though to rebuild their relationship without trying to fix it through sex. And now she had just put them back a step. "I'm sorry, I'll move into a room with you."

He wouldn't look at her, but rather found the wall behind her fascinating. He was hurt she knew, she just hadn't thought. He then moved his eyes to his expensive shoes. "You don't have to," he said softly. "I don't want to pressure you into anything you don't want."

"Even though you messed up, you are my husband Mark. I want you," she blushed, realizing her words hadn't come out the way she had intended, although if she would admit it to herself, those sixty days were going to be a struggle. Mark's eyes left his shoes and met hers, a twinkle in them. She allowed herself a brief smile before saying, "I meant, I want to spend time with you. I-" she hesitated. Mark's eyes gently urged her to continue but she couldn't. She wanted to say "I love you" but she didn't know if she was ready for him to hear that. So she settled for, "I want to be with you too," and Mark knew that wasn't what she had wanted to say, but he didn't press her. Now it was her turn to remove her eyes from his and look elsewhere in the room.

"If you are sure," he said gently. The implied meaning was in his eyes and hung in the air. 'Are you sure you want to try again with me?'

She understood the implied meaning and hesitated for a moment, her eyes still not meeting his. She met his eyes again, "I'm sure."

Mark had returned the car to the rental agency and explained the circumstances while Meredith was being discharged. When he returned, he wheeled her out to the parking lot. They were both silent, contemplative and Mark was worried he had pushed her too far. When they got to the car, he moved to help her into it.

"I've got it," she snapped tensely. She wasn't sure why she was angry with him, she just was frustrated. She didn't understand why he had slept with another woman and she desperately wanted to, because then maybe she wouldn't be so angry with him, frustrated for not being able to understand. The problem was, she wasn't sure he understood why he had slept with that blonde.

Mark stepped back silently, hovering slightly in case she fell. She got into the new rental car easily, and Mark returned the wheelchair. When he slipped into the driver's seat, the silence was overwhelming. But he wasn't sure he wanted to break it. He didn't know what to say to break it. And she didn't seem to want to break it any more than he did.

They arrived at the hotel, and Mark swung the sleek car into a parking space near the front. He got out and went around to help Meredith, but she waved off his hand.

"Mer…"

"I don't need your help," she snapped, green eyes flashing, expressing her anger with him. He decided it would be best to just be quiet in this moment, and be there if she needed help. When they got inside the hotel, however, he had to speak up.

"Should we do that two bedroom suite now?"

"Fine," she replied, not looking at him. And again, he decided that the fight was better left for another time, because he had the feeling there would be a fight.

He walked to the receptionist's desk and took care of everything necessary to reserve their seventh floor suite indefinitely. He placed a hand on the small of her back as he guided her towards the elevator, and she let him. He supposed that was something. With her hormones out of whack, he didn't know what to expect from the woman. But she let him put his hand on her back, and that meant she might be coming around.

**So there it is. I hope you review, because it means a lot to me. And the next chapter will be up as soon as possible.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here is chapter ten! I hope you all enjoy it, and I am currently working on chapter eleven, so hopefully that will be up soon!**

Chapter Ten

The instant they entered the room, Meredith went into her bedroom and slammed the door. Mark watched the wood for a moment, debating whether to follow her. He heard the water start, and he was hoping she was taking a bath. No matter how strong she tried to be, he knew she wasn't okay, physically as well as emotionally.

He sat down on the couch in the common room of the suite and pulled off his shoes. He was mentally preparing himself for the battle he knew was coming. She would want to know why he did what he did, the problem was, he wasn't quite sure himself. He sat there, staring at the patterns in the carpet, contemplating what he would say to her when she asked, as she inevitably would. Mark was so engrossed in the carpet, he didn't even hear the water shut off, nor did he notice when Meredith walked in wrapped in only a towel.

"Mark," she said. He didn't respond. "Mark," she said again, more forcefully. She had been thinking in the bathtub, and she knew that they needed to talk.

"Hmmm," he said, not taking his eyes off the floor.

"We need to talk," she said simply.

Mark looked up at her, and she thought she heard him swallow hard when he saw her in the towel. "I don't think now is the best time," he said slowly.

"Damn it Mark, when will be a good time?" He averted his eyes. "That's what I thought. We need to talk Mark, if we are ever going to repair this marriage, we need to talk."

He sighed heavily then moved his eyes up to hers. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?" he asked, even though he knew damn well what it was she wanted to talk about.

Meredith's voice got very small, and she started playing with the bottom of the towel, inadvertently raising it and showing more leg than she probably wanted to. "Why did you do it Mark? At least tell me that," she asked, looking everywhere but at him.

He looked down at the floor. "I don't know."

She looked straight at him, fire burning in her green eyes. "You don't know," she said condescendingly. "You don't know!" she all but yelled. "How the hell do you not know Mark?"

He still hadn't moved his eyes from the floor. "I don't know why I did what I did Mer, I just…" he sighed.

"You just what…" she prodded.

Mark lifted his head and looked right at her. "I just felt like you were emotionally distancing yourself from me and I couldn't take it."

"And so, instead of talking to me about it, you decided to sleep with someone else."

His eyes returned to the carpet. "I don't know how to talk to somebody about that." He looked up to her. "You're the first real relationship I've ever had with anyone. My relationship with my parents was shit, you know that. And with Derek, well, let's just say he was always better at everything. I can't tell you how surprised I was that you stayed with me, Mer. I'm not that guy."

Meredith shook her head vigorously. "You can be that man Mark, hell you are that man. I expect more from you than turning away when things get rough. We've been through rough patches before Mark. What was different about this time?"

"This time was the first time I felt you were distancing yourself from me intentionally. You seemed to throw yourself into work, and I just…" he trailed off. "I don't mean to blame you at all. It's my own insecurities that drove me to do what I did."

"Damn right it was. Mark, you could have talked to me."

"I'm sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

"How do I know it won't happen again? We are both busy surgeons, I got busy with work and you cheated on me. How do I know we won't grow apart again?"

"I've realized what it's like to almost lose you, and I'll be damned if I ever have that feeling again," he said sincerely.

"It's not enough," she said, as an idea popped into her head.

"What do you mean it's not enough?"

"I think we need to go to counseling," she said tentatively.

Mark started to laugh, then realized she was serious. " You're serious." She nodded. "Mer," he began "You know how I feel about counseling."

She nodded. He hated it, he hated talking about his past and his decisions before he met her. Mark had always hated what he called "psychobabble" and analysis of his feelings. He liked to pretend he didn't have feelings. "Mark, I think it would be good."

He looked in her eyes, and realized that this meant a lot to her. He also realized that if he gave in, it might be an important step in repairing their relationship. He nodded slowly. "Okay."

"You'll do it?" Meredith was surprised that it had taken that little of a fight to get him to agree.

"Yeah, under one condition," he said.

"Anything," was out of her mouth before she could stop it. She realized after that he could probably ask for any number of things that she thought she shouldn't do, and knowing him, it would probably be something sexual.

"I want you to come in with me." Meredith thought he looked like a scared little boy inside of a man in that moment, and her heart broke a little.

She wavered, "You don't have to if you don't want to," she said. "The therapy, I mean. If it will really bother you…"

"It's important to you," he said simply, interrupting her rambling. "I'm going because it's important to you, and I want to show you that I'm willing to try. Will you come with me though?" he asked expectantly.

She smiled, and nodded. "This discussion isn't over yet."

"I know," he said, a sad look coming over his face.

Meredith took three steps towards him and kissed him passionately. When they pulled away he asked, "What was that for?"

"I just wanted you to know that I missed you."

He smiled. "By the way, if you want me to last sixty days, you had better stop parading around in a towel," he said with a smirk.

"I'm not parading," she said, faking indignation. He gave her a look. "Okay, so maybe I was." Then her demeanor turned serious. "I just wanted to make sure you still thought I was beautiful."

Mark caressed her face with the pad of his thumb. "I'll always think you are beautiful. Now go put some clothes on."

She giggled, and as she walked into the bedroom, he realized just how much he had missed her, and just how far they still had to go.

**I hope you enjoyed that chapter, and as always, reviews are appreciated!**


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